


Love Me For Me

by sweetbaby_1D



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetbaby_1D/pseuds/sweetbaby_1D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Niall are best friends. Niall is gay and Zayn is a homophobe. Niall is in love with Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Me For Me

Phone rings

Don't wanna pick it up

I'm so scared

I'm gonna say too much

I tip toe around your questions

Why you gotta dig so deep?

My phone rings for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. I'm terrified to answer because I know what he's gonna say. I've been avoiding him for the whole week we've been on vacation. I can't answer his questions, it'll ruin everything. And I can't have that. Why does he even care so much? He wouldn't if he knew why. But maybe I should answer, I’ve avoided the question this long, maybe I could hold off a bit more? I doubt it. And the thoughts of what would happen if he ever found out are enough to make me not answer his calls for the whole day.

Tears fall

And the glasses break

Inside these walls

The floor boards shake

But from outside

It's alright

Long as you looking from fifty feet

This is what I've wanted. To separate myself from him, maybe the feelings would go away. But they didn't. And it hurts more than it should that he won't even come near me, settling for a bit of eye contact and timid smiles. He looks so sad, but I can't risk it. If I don't do this, I could possibly lose my best friend. He would be repulsed by me if he found out. As soon as these feelings that I have for him go away, things can go back to normal. Until then, crying will have to do. But i have to keep it in, no one can see me weak like that. They'd know and then he'd find out.

I been trying trying

Hold my head up high

I been lying lying

Keeping it all inside

Trying not to trust you, yeah

Take another leaf, I'm a book yeah yeah?

It's hard. So hard to keep this up. In the inside, I'm breaking. But on the outside, I'm fine. I have to be. He's the only person who brings up the subject. Everyone can tell that something is wrong, but he's the only one that ever says anything to me about it. "You know you can tell me any and everything. You're my best friend." Ouch. "There's nothing to tell. I'm fine. Could you go now?" Sadness clouds his eyes, his beautiful, beautiful eyes, as he backs away. "I'm sorry. For whatever it is I did wrong. I'm so sorry. I miss you. Let me know when you're ready to talk, yeah?" He says, leaving before I can say anything. When I'm sure he's gone, I slide down the door and cry on the floor. He doesn't understand.

I'm done, I give up

I don't wanna pretend no more

That's it, so what?

I've lost a friend before

Gonna say it like it is

No more wondering "What if?"

That ain't the way you oughta live

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me

It's been two months. Two months since I've made the decision to stop talking to him. The decision that's killing me on the inside. And now, I'm making the decision to tell him. Partly anyway. I pick up my phone and dial his number with shaking hands. "Hey, can you come over? We need to talk." "Yeah, of course. Be there in ten." Without another word, I hang up and spent the next ten minutes preparing for the worst. Exactly ten minutes later there's a knock on my door. "Hey, what's up?" Ha says, walking in and sitting on the couch when I open the door. "I know I've been acting weird lately. But I have a good reason." I inhale deeply before continuing. "I don't want this to ruin our friendship but... I'm gay." For a while he says nothing, and neither do I. Then he laughs, loud and beautiful. And I think he's maybe laughing because I thought this could actually ruin our friendship. But a part of me knows better. "Really funny, Niall! Do you really expect me to believe that? You've got girls all over you 24/7! Course you're not gay!" He says, still laughing. But I can see that its getting to him, that he's starting to get that I'm not kidding. "I'm serious." I say quietly. The laughing stops and it's quiet for so long that I have to look up and see if he's still there. He is. And he doesn't look happy at all. "What the hell? Why did you even call me over here to tell me that? That's sick! You're a guy! You're supposed to like girls, not other guys! I can't even look at you anymore!" He yells, and walks out of the door before I can even react. And it leaves me broken.

A doll house is all that you could see

But it's so far from my reality

I got problems, I got issues

Sometimes it's all too much for me

Wrap it up with a pretty little bow

But there are some things you can't sugarcoat

So I give it to you anyway

Even though it won't taste so sweet

It's been over a month. He hasn't looked at me, talked to me, or been anywhere remotely near me outside of work. He's been neglecting the other bots as well, just to stay away from me. They've noticed, and I've told them why. It bothers them that he's acting this way, but they stick with it and stay by my side. I try to be okay. And it looks like I am. But I know I'm not. I try to move on, I start dating. Her name is Ellie and she's really pretty. Long hair, beautiful eyes, and a nice body. She's gorgeous! I try to make it work with her, but all I can ever think about is him. Everytime I look at her, I see him. They don't even look alike, complete opposites, actually. But it's him. When I tell her I can't do this anymore because she's lovely but she's still no him, she just smiles. Smiles and nods and wishes me luck. Another month goes by. People question why I broke up with her. They start to notice that I never speak to him, or even looks at him. They all ask why and they notice everything, almost. They don't seem to notice that it's killing me, that I'm not nearly as happy as I used to be. I'm not who I used to be. On the inside, there's nothing but darkness. And in private, away from the prying eyes of the fans and the paps, I'm not even a person anymore. When it's jsut the boys and i, excluding him, there's non happy me. There's just tears and sad, pathetic me. But in public, I'm who they expect. Happy, energetic, perfect 'me'... I guess the boys finally got tired of it all and decided to talk to him. Because one day, while I'm sitting on the couch staring blankly at the television because of the pain, there's a knock on my door. When I open it, he's there, staring sadly at me. Just as I'm about to slam the door in his face, he steps inside and pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry I've been such a dick lately. I've never had a gay friend before and it was shocking. I handled that wrong and it's so stupid because it's not like anything has changed. Like, you're the same person and we're still best friends. Nothing is different between us, so I freaked out for no reason. And I'm sorry. Perrie is gonna be so glad we handled this! I've been right miserable lately, without you! I was just being a stubborn ass! But it's fine now!" i squeeze my eyes shut as soon as he pulls away, because what I'm about to say will most definitely end our friendship, permanently.

I been trying trying

Hold my head up high

I been lying lying

Keeping it all inside

Maybe I could trust you, yeah

Take another leaf, I'm a book yeah yeah?

"Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you this. But I kind of love you. Like, more than best friends love you." "What the fuck? So I tell you it's fine for us to be friends and you do this? Do you even want us to be friends? Because now we can't even be friends, because no! I have a girlfriend and I like girls! You disgust me!" He yells, turning to walk off. But I'm fed up with him acting like this towards me because I am who I am. And now I'm gonna fight back.

I'm done, I give up

I don't wanna pretend no more

That's it, so what? So what?

I've lost a friend before

Gonna say it like it is (I'm gonna say it like it is)

No more wondering "What if?"

That ain't the way you oughta live

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me

"You know what? Fuck you! You're supposed to be my best friend, but you stopped talking to me for months, just because I happen to like boys!" I yell, on the verge of tears because this never should have happened. "Yeah, well, I got over that! Then you go and say you love me more than friends? You did this to yourself, Niall!" He tries to walk out again, But I'm still not done. "Well, I tried! I tried to stop talking to you, Zayn! I tried to distance myself from you because I didn't want this to happen, but you made it hard! But it did happen, and now I wish I never would have fell in love with you! I fucking hate you, you homophobic asshole!" I yell back, pushing him out of the door and slamming it in his face.

Sick of all the fighting

All the slamming of the doors

The pain, the parents, too deep to ignore

Step back, step back

Can you see it through my eyes?

I know, I know

It may be a surprise

Don't wanna be perceived for something that I'm not

Just wanna be accepted for the little that I got

If you could see me now in my glass house

Not ready to let you in

Oh, yeah yeah.

Not ready to let you in

A few more months go by and I thought I would have felt better knowing how much of an asshole he is. But I don't, I miss him more than ever. As a best friend and more. But mostly as best friends, because I may like him as more, but we were friends first and , in my mind, always will be. We've been arguing non-stop and nothing is going right. I'm tired of this and I just want my best friend back. And as dumb as it may be, if he came back and wanted to be friends again, i would accept in a heartbeat. Too bad it could never be anything more.

I'm done, I give up

I don't wanna pretend no more

That's it, so what?

I've lost a friend before

Gonna say it like it is

No more wondering "What if?"

That ain't the way you oughta live

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me

 

I walk up to the door, my mind set. I knock and wait for him to answer. When the door opens, a mix of emotions flash across his face and I'm sure mines does the same. "Look, I know you're disgusted with me at this point, but this is ridiculous. I can't help that I feel more for you than you think I should. But I'm willing to push all of my extra feelings aside if we can go back to being best friends. I'm tired of the fighting. If you don't want anything to do with me anymore, fine, I guess. It wouldn't be the first time I've lost my best friend because of my feelings." I say mock jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. He looks me up and down, then pulls me into a tight hug. I wrap my arms around him and take in his warmth and scent. "I'm sorry, Niall. I've been an insensitive asshole. I think it's just because I've never had a gay friend and it was new to me. And because I've been feeling more than friendly towards you for a while now. I didn't know how to handle it, but I want to try now. But if I've pushed you too far and you just want to be friends-" I stop him mid-sentence and push my lips onto his. "I don't care what happened before. I want to be with you anyway I can, and I damn sure ain't gonna turn down what I've been wanting for so long. If it doesn't work out, we can at least say we tried. But are you sure you want to do this?" I ask, afraid. "Of course I am. I love you, Niall." He says, kissing me again. "I love you too, Zayn."

 

Cause I don't want you to love me

If you don't wanna love me for me


End file.
